Reliving
by LaNaturalBreezeOf-Books
Summary: Fanfiction for the Irish TV series: RAW. The final ending in Geoff and Pavel's story. Fate can work in strange, beautiful ways. But it can also be cruel. So painfully, unbearably cruel. Rated M for swearing and adult themes.


**AN: This is my contribution to the RAW Fanfiction because as you already might know it is severely _lacking_. This short story will have two chapters altogether. The second one will be published at a later date so follow if you're interested!**

**Enjoy.**

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><p>It was supposed to be a celebration.<p>

Everyone in the workforce coming together, clinking glasses, being merry and sharing laughs together.

Geoff smiled at everyone around the table. Kate was handing over the delicious smelling bread plate and the freshly baked slices were going fast in a flurry of eager hands.

"Hey, hey! Mind the wine would yer?" Jojo shielded her glass of white from Shane's heavy plate that he was retrieving from Philip.

And then in the infamous Shane-chain reaction everyone gave their voice.

"Bloody hell, watch what you're doing Shane!"

"Yeah watch it, Shane."

"Gosh, mind your arm Shane."

Shane just rolled his eyes at them. _Screw the lot of them._

Fiona swirled her glass of red around. The rich aromatic scent of the wine fitted perfectly with the aura of the room. The whole team gathered around for a very special staff meal. This was an acknowledgement of a rising talent with the name of Philip and a celebration-slash-send off for Geoff and Pavel, wishing them good luck for their restaurant in Prague. Raw was moving forward exceptionally well and Fiona had no doubt that even when the current Head Chef and Front of House Manager were gone the restaurant would still go on strong.

Around the excited table Jojo was subtly making up for her rude behaviour to Philip who was soon to be her second hand. She was giving him little apologetic smiles and Philip, the shy lad just smiled down at his plate.

Kitchen porter, or as Geoff had dubbed _Cinderella,_ Emma, was feeling a lot more comfortable with the staff and clearly felt the team spirit from her time working at Raw. Kate was getting the rest of the wine glasses ready for their cheer. She had paused beside the Chef where Pavel's seat was.

"Geoff, Pavel, is he red or white?"

The Head Chef looked up from a joke he was listening to with Maeve and the kitchen hand, Paul. He answered promptly with a nod. "Ah, he's red." And then realising that Pavel still wasn't at the table he twisted to scan the room. "Where is he though? Pavel!"

Everyone was now digging in, the clanking of knives and forks and moans of delight were the primary sounds now. Even though the familiar hollering of their boss was common place to them the shout of Pavel's name brought out a chant around the table, it was usual for the Czech Manager to be fashionably late.

When he didn't hear any response back Geoff got up from his chair. _How bloody long does it take to get a bottle of alcohol? _But then a weird feeling made him afraid to go back into the kitchen.

_What if he had second thoughts and ran? He wouldn't do that…he is still there right? Maybe he's nervous about the announcement...we're getting married, and he said yes._

That thought alone was enough to get a contented smile on Geoff's face. Behind him he heard chants of Pavel's name, they would no doubt erupt into cheers when he would eventually make his presence; everyone loves Pavel. _Its fine, he's probably just taking his time._

He turned the corner to the kitchen and a wave of relief washed over him, Pavel_ was_ fine. He was sitting on the steps to the office taking a moment. A teasing smile was playing at Geoff's lips at a joke about badly timed Czech breaks but for some reason he never got the words out. Instead, what came out was a hesitant call of Pavel's name, just to get his attention…jolt him out of whatever deep thought processing he was having.

An unsettling feeling formed in his gut when Pavel never looked up from the steps.

Geoff took a step forward, a little confused on why Pavel would start one of his games now. "Pavel." He put a small chuckle in the call to tell him the joke was up, but there was no response. That wasn't like him at all.

Geoff saw the square bottle of Czech alcohol that Pavel was bringing out toppled over on the floor by his feet.

"Pavel?" the unsettling feeling in his gut came back at full force and all thoughts of a joke were wiped from his mind immediately. Something was wrong. Something was really, really wrong.

Geoff kneeled down and put his hands on his fiancé's thigh, his head was down and he was completely still. There wasn't any movement around his chest…but it was hard to judge because his body was in a slumped position. Geoff had to lean his head in to look at Pavel's face. His eyes were open, but it didn't look like they were looking at anything. His beautiful hazel eyes were…vacant.

It didn't…It didn't make any sense. It couldn't be...

_It won't_ Geoff's mind said firmly, _because it isn't._

"Pavel…" Geoff shook him, it was a joke. He was sleeping. It was a joke.

Nothing.

It wasn't a joke.

"…Pavel!" He shook him again, thoroughly this time, hands firm on his arms.

But there was no response. His eyes were open but they were unseeing.

"Pavel, wake up."

He wasn't sleeping.

Geoff felt his control leave him then. "Pavel," his voice broke. "No, no, no…"

Gently he cradled Pavel into his arms and lowered them to the floor. Pavel was limp, his head rolled back from the movement and Geoff was haunted by his absent face. "No…no, Pavel!" Geoff whispered, pain etched into his face. This wasn't happening. _This couldn't be happening._

It was all a horrible, horrible nightmare.

"Pavel?" his voice was keening now, his trembling hand moved erratically in Pavel's hair and the other one pressed against his back. "Pavel, come back to me Pavel…" He then started rocking, clutching the best thing that had ever happened to him to his chest and whimpering out his name through a choked throat.

The tears weren't held back.

The air was suffocating him.

Pavel never came back to him.

And Geoff cried over the body of the most special, most precious man in his world.

He didn't even get to say goodbye.

Anguish was the only feeling that existed.

Geoff looked down at Pavel's face. He didn't even look peaceful. He looked…

It was too painful to think the words. Geoff just squeezed his eyes shut and clutched Pavel closer as if he could bring him back to life from his own internal body temperature. He would give his heart to Pavel. It already belonged to him.

Nothing else existed in this moment.

There was no kitchen, no table of staff in the next room, no hard floor beneath them. There was only the warm body of Pavel cradled tightly in Geoff's rocking one and the heart wrenching anguish that tore Geoff through the inside out. It tore through him like a hot knife, slow and excruciating. And as it did all what Geoff could do was hang his head and let the wet sobs pass through his pulverised state and transmit into the quiet hum of the kitchen.

His rocking slowed, only clutching at Pavel's back. If he was to let go then the nightmare would forever be a reality and there was no way in hell Geoff would allow that to happen. He would continue to keep his eyes firmly shut from the horror of it all and let the broken sobs slip through his trembling lips.

It was then that he heard Jojo's voice. She was approaching the kitchen, probably being sent to see what was holding him up. The sound of her shoes were loud on the hard floor as it approached but it soon went silent.

"Geoff?"

* * *

><p><em>A Moment Before<em>

The chants of Pavel's name quickly died when Geoff went off to find him; it was hard to resist the temptation of Philip's onion beef stew.

"If you don't mind me, Philip, I might just take back a few servings for tomorrow." Fiona winked at him, bringing another spoonful of beef goodness to her mouth. As Philip was already quite red from all the praise he received today the fact that this was the co-partner of Raw, the iron lady of business, was enough to raise another wash of red to his face.

"Tanks, Fiona."

"Aww! Look yer turned him into a plum tomato!" Jojo pointed her fork at Philip with a laugh. Kate was finished with her wine rounds and soon everyone was up and raising their glasses in cheer.

"To Raw" Fiona smiled.

"To Raw!"

"And to Geoff and Pavel's new restaurant in Prague!" She added. Fiona didn't think that the two guys would come back in time to hear but it was always nice to cheer regardless.

"Here-here!" Everyone clanked their glasses of red and white wine together. Once they all sat down again to resume their meals Shane voiced the absence of their temporary boss.

"It's not like Geoff to miss out on an opportunity to be cheered at." He chuckled with one of the lads.

Fiona finished taking a sip from her red wine. "Jojo, can you see what's taking them so long." she nodded at the Sous Chef but Jojo made a face.

"What if I walk in arn them doing…someling?"

Shane made an exasperated sound "Just go, Jojo."

Jojo turned a glare in her brother's direction "Shut up, Shane."

"Yeah, shut up Shane."

"Yeah shaddup, Shane."

"Yeah, shut up Shane!"

Emma giggled at the Shane-chain reaction and Fiona rolled her eyes. "Just see what's taking them so long."

Grumbling, Jojo pushed up from her chair and walked towards the kitchen. As she turned the corner Donny, the new kitchen hand called her attention from the table.

"When you're there can yer get my hue lighter, should be near the fridge!" Everyone knew that Donny had a small obsession with vintage cigarette lighters and it was typical for him to lose them all around the place. Jojo shook her head.

"You forgot the hue…" She chuckled but when she got to the kitchen she stopped dead in her tracks. Her smile dropped like a rock.

Sitting at the bottom of the office steps was Geoff holding Pavel close to his chest. Pavel's head hung limp and Geoff clearly was in major distress; his eyes were pinched shut and lines of grief were evident on his face.

"Geoff?" she whispered and when she heard a broken sob spill from Geoff's normally composed character she rushed forward and knelt beside them. Geoff never opened his eyes.

"Pavel?" Jojo pressed two fingers against the pulse point in Pavel's neck, feeling for a pulse.

Nothing.

Geoff clutched Pavel closer and shook his head at Jojo's efforts. "No, no, no…" his broken sobs felt detached, as if every minute that passed a wave of fresh disbelief made him believe that Pavel wasn't really…but Geoff was too afraid to open his eyes.

"I'm gonna call an ambulance." Jojo scrambled up from the floor and ran out of the kitchen. Geoff dug his face into Pavel's shoulder, letting the tears soak into the dark blue material. This would be the last time he would ever hold his Pavel. Never again would he have this moment again.

This was his goodbye.

Slowly he cracked his eyes open and gazed down mournfully at Pavel's hair. Geoff shifted him up so Pavel's heavy head rested on his shoulder. He tried not to look at his eyes, the de…the _dead_ eyes.

The word brought unbearable pain, he couldn't stand it. He couldn't bear it.

Couldn't bear the _dead_ weight he desperately clutched onto.

Couldn't bear to see those _dead _eyes that was permanently burnt into his mind.

Couldn't bear the feeling, the reality.

This was not how their story at Raw was meant to end. It was meant to end with a wedding, the most amazing event where Geoff Mitchell would declare his love and commitment to the beautiful, caring, sweet and gold hearted Pavel Reiben aka. _Paulo_.

_Paulo. _

What came out of his mouth Geoff didn't know but it sounded like a mix between a choked laugh and a tormented cry. It moved towards the latter as he bent over Pavel's curled body and once again squeezed his eyes shut.

Heavy denial, gut wrenching anguish and the feel of Pavel was the only thing that existed.

This wasn't a nightmare anymore.

* * *

><p>Jojo almost fell over as she sprinted around the corner back to the dining room. There was only one thing that she was focussing on and that was the front of house phone.<p>

It was only a short space to run but it felt like her feet weren't moving fast enough.

The sounds of laughter at the table died down, the clanks of knives and forks stopping to a halt. They must have seen her face, pale white with shock.

"Jojo?"

She skidded to a stop by the phone and immediately punched in '999' on the receiver.

_Call_

It was ringing.

"Come arn, come arn…!" She whispered, clutching at her head impatiently. Her vision started to get misty but she stubbornly blinked the tears back; she had to stay in control. She had to be strong.

"Jojo, what's going on?"

"_Hello, this is emergency services, what is your emergency?"_

"My friend, he's…he's not responsive. I can't find a pulse or anyling. His eyes are wide open but he's not…he's not-"

"_Can you state your address?"_

Jojo rattled off the information while at the table the severity of the situation was becoming clear.

"What happened?" Emma automatically looked to her older sister for answers but Fiona was looking in the direction of the kitchen. Shane shot from his chair and jogged over to his stricken sister.

"Where's Geoff?"

"She said someone was hurt, it's not Pavel is it?" Maeve voiced what everyone was thinking.

"Oh my god, we should see if…" It looked like everyone was going to get up from their seats but it was Fiona that laid down the law.

"Stop. Don't go anywhere." The business woman rose from her chair and walked swiftly to the kitchen. _Please don't be as bad as I think it is._

"_There is an ambulance going to your address, the ETA should be 3 minutes. Have you tried to find a pulse by his wrist? Can you see any blood?" _

"Erm…no, only his neck. I'll try it agai-God, Shane!" Jojo quickly spun around, only to jump from bumping right into her brother.

"Jojo, what's going on? Who are yer calling?"

Jojo did not have time to explain the situation right now. "Just come!" She ran past him, phone pressed to her ear with medical advice on the opposite line.

* * *

><p>When Fiona rounded the corner she instantly turned pragmatic-mode. <em>Assess the situation, Fiona.<em> She looked around the kitchen. It was spotless, no broken windows, no upturned tables, no scattered knives.

Satisfied that there wasn't any third party involvement she kicked off her high heels and knelt beside the two men. She held Pavel's head carefully and lifted it ever so slowly. He definitely wasn't awake, the heaviness of his head was a factor but his eyes weren't closed. Fiona tried to readjust him to take a better look at his eyes but Geoff pulled him in closer with a desperate cry.

"Geoff, I need to look at Pavel." Fiona's steady voice didn't seem to register with the distraught Geoff that was clinging onto Pavel like a lifeline. He didn't open his eyes to look at her, he just quietly let wet sobs wrack his rocking body. This was a side to Geoff that Fiona had never believed she would see, not even outside the kitchen.

"Geoff, Pavel needs medical attention. Let me take a look at him, _please_ Geoff." Fiona pleaded softly. Geoff shook his head vehemently, his hands were white from the tight grip he had on Pavel's clothes. Fiona reached over to take Pavel's wrist, she pressed two fingers against his pulse point.

"Come on Pavel," Fiona muttered "you can't leave us just yet." She moved to his neck, where the strongest pulse point was supposed to be.

"Fiona!" Jojo rushed into the kitchen, Shane hot on her heels. She dropped to her knees beside Fiona and grabbed Pavel's wrist. "Did yer check-"

"I did," Fiona's face was grim "I didn't get anything."

"Is there erny bleeding?" Jojo placed her hand on Pavel's shoulder, trying peer around Geoff but the Head Chef was making the examination quite difficult.

"I'm not sure, we need Geoff to let go of Pavel." Fiona was trying to peer around to check Pavel's nose but Geoff chose that moment to bury his head into his shoulder, another choked sop escaping his lips.

"They said he may have hit his head, head trauma." Jojo relayed to them, she then looked over her shoulder at Shane who stood frozen to the floor a few feet away. "Shane! Get here! Hold Geoff while we move Pavel!"

The two women circled their arms around Pavel and when Shane hovered beside them, hands ready, they slowly pulled Pavel's heavy weight from Geoff's lap, his head cradled gently in Fiona's hands. Geoff tightened his arms, a louder sob spilling from his bowed head.

Shane grunted at the strain of his muscles as he pulled Geoff's arms away from Pavel. When Pavel was almost clear Geoff suddenly lurched forward, the warm body was leaving him. Pavel was slipping away. He couldn't take it.

"No! No, no, no..." someone was pinning his arms back.

He didn't feel strong enough to fight against them.

Geoff sagged in defeat, there was nothing he could do now. Pavel was gone, he was dead.

"His right ear is bleeding. Can yer find any vitals?"

"I...No Fiona." Jojo's voice went quiet.

Fiona didn't say anything. What could she say?

Without warning a devastating wave of despair and disbelief pummelled through Geoff. This one made him tilt his head back and let loose a strangled cry.

He heard the ambulance approaching, the sirens were an urgent drone getting louder and louder.

Shane released his arms and Geoff wrapped them around himself, rocking himself for a slip of self-comfort. Choked sobs bubbled up and out of him in a constant stream of sorrow and stabbing grief.

"No, no, no …"

Jojo moved to sit beside him. She wrapped a skinny arm around his waist and hugged him as Geoff's whole world broke around him.

"I'm so sorry, Geoff."

"No, no, no…"

The sirens were so loud it hurt his ears.

"Geoff, we hafta leave."

The air was getting tight in his chest. He couldn't breathe. The loud sirens were now accompanied by his heart beating erratically in his ear.

"Geoff..." Jojo grasped his face. "Geoff!"

"Geoff!" That wasn't Jojo's voice.

"Wake up, Geoff!"

As if he was jolted by lightning, Geoff found himself in a completely different...reality.

Reality.

He sprung forward, gasping, wide-eyed into darkness.

He was in bed. In his room.

The side lamp switched on and instantly he felt warm hands on either side of his face.

"Geoff"

And there he was.

Concerned hazel orbs of impeccable design scanning his face.

Even his worried frown was a breath of fresh air.

"Are you alright?"

Geoff blinked, he opened his mouth but nothing came out. He lifted a shaking hand and tentatively laid it on Pavel's warm cheek. The alive hazel eyes flickered to his hand and his eyebrows furrowed in further worry.

"You were yelling, a lot." Pavel didn't add that he was also crying his soul out into the now soaked pillow. The tears were evident though, fresh and dry tear marks that streaked Geoff's face. He used his thumb to wipe the tears away. "Bad dream?"

Geoff took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. Outside he heard the siren of the ambulance approach again, it passed their window with a quick flash of electric blue.

"That's the second ambulance tonight" Pavel said absently, stroking his thumb over Geoff's cheek bone. "I'm surprised you didn't wake up after the first one." he joked, lips turning up in an effort to lighten up the mood.

Geoff's hand moved around Pavel's cheek to the back of his neck and he slowly pulled their foreheads together, noses almost touching. He took another deep breath and almost broke down again when he felt Pavel's faint breath fan his face.

He really wasn't dead.

"I thought…" he whispered, swallowing down the lump in his throat.

"I know," Pavel stopped him from saying any more "It was just a dream, Geoff. I'm right here, see?" He lifted his face up so he could look directly into his sea green eyes. "I'm not going _anywhere_."

"Yeah." Geoff breathed.

"Yeah?" Pavel smiled. He brushed some dark curls away from Geoff's forehead and kissed firmly above his temple. And then a new voice gave Geoff _another_ shock of his life.

"Geoff, are you feeling better?" Standing at the threshold, holding a glass of water was someone who he thought left a while ago.

"Selena?"

What the hell was she doing here?

"I brought you some water." She walked into the room and handed him the cool glass. Geoff accepted it with a mutter of thanks and took a large gulp of the liquid.

"You look terrible." Selena continued. She reached out to stroke her hand through his messy hair. Geoff saw the liquid trembling so he handed the water back.

"So do you." He acknowledged her current state; her hair was tangled and her eyes were smudged, probably from forgetting to take off her makeup before she went to bed.

"Well, can't blame a girl for not looking her best at two in the morning." She grumbled, folding her arms.

_Was that how late it was? _Geoff rubbed his temple. "Argh…okay. Sorry about that."

"No worries, goodnight Geoff" Selena smiled and then when she was halfway through the door she glanced back. "Goodnight Pavel."

"Nite." Geoff groaned. Pavel didn't bother responding, there was a tightness to his lips. _He really didn't like Selena._ Pavel was about to turn the lights off and burrow beneath the duvet again but a question from Geoff made him pause.

"What is she doing here?"

Pavel frowned and nodded towards the door. "What, Selena?"

"Yeah, I thought she left."

"No, Selena has been here for quite some time now." Pavel looked worried again. "Geoff, are you _sure_ you're alright?"

It was probably nothing.

Geoff shook his head "No, its fine mate." He settled back down but recoiled back up again at the sensation of a damp pillow. His tear soaked pillow.

He quickly chucked the ruined pillow to the end of the bed and used his spare that resided beneath it, laying back down quietly.

"Sweet dreams." Pavel leaned over him, smiling and Geoff brushed his hanging hair to the side.

"Goodnight." His heart eased when Pavel descended on him with a quick kiss right on the lips but there was also this strange feeling in his stomach that stopped him from relaxing. Pavel switched the lamp off and settled down by his side. Geoff automatically curled around him and tried to relax.

#

It was about an hour later, everything was how it should be- quiet, dark, asleep.

Except Geoff couldn't get to sleep.

Something wasn't right.

"Pavel," Geoff whispered. His boyfriend stirred but didn't wake up. Geoff shook his shoulder gently. "Pavel." He said a bit louder. This time Pavel groaned into his pillow.

"What, Geoff?"

"Uh…" He didn't know what was wrong. Now he felt a little embarrassed for waking Pavel up in the dead of the night for no apparent reason other than a strange feeling. "N-nothing, sorry. You can go back to sleep."

Pavel turned to look at him, in the dark room Geoff could almost make out his bleary eyes. "And you won't wake me again?"

Geoff gave him a reassuring smile but it was with little effort. If that smile was a dish he would burn it off the face of his kitchen.

And of course, nothing could get past Pavel.

"Something _is_ wrong, isn't it?" He turned fully on his side. "Are you feeling bad about Jojo?"

_Jojo?_

He lifted his head from his pillow "What happened with Jojo?"

Pavel looked at him like he was going crazy. "You fired her."

"When!?" Geoff exclaimed. Why would he fire his Sous Chef?

"Yesterday."

_Yesterday?_

Taking in his expression Pavel felt the need to explain further. "She was being aggressive to Philip and wasn't performing up to standard. You said she brought it on herself…Geoff, what is it?"

The wheels were turning in his head, little bits were clicking into place. "What's the date?"

"It's the eleventh. Yesterday was the tenth."

Geoff felt everything tilt horribly. The sickening realisation hit him when it all fell into place.

_Holy shit._

"What's the matter?" Pavel really didn't know what was going on.

"Do I have the catering job at the gallery today?" his voice sounded strained.

"Yes, the client wanted the menu twelve but without the-"

"-almond pancetta."

"Yeah-"

"And they changed the desert servings from six to eight."

"Exactly."

_Shit, shit, shit…_

"See, you have nothing to worry about." Pavel yawned, obliviously slowly falling back to sleep with no idea of the horrified turmoil Geoff was experiencing.

"Did Fiona call tonight? Mentioning something about a hospital?"

"No, nothing." Pavel frowned slightly, now half asleep. "Why?"

_She might call later today. _

"No reason." He said simply.

She would call. There was a 99% chance that she would. Geoff had very little doubt in that.

"Mmm" Pavel grunted, turning around to get more comfortable and effectively ending the conversation. In no time Pavel was fast asleep and Geoff was left lying on his back, staring at the ceiling with no hope in hell of going to sleep. There was no way he could get his forty winks now. Sleep was the last thing on his mind.

Because this was the day. This was the _fucking day._

_Holy fucking shit._

* * *

><p>To be continued.<p> 


End file.
